Natalie trudged along, exhausted from trying to get everything done that was required of her. Her footsteps turned shuffles from physical strain as she, taking water to a village from the lake below, made her way up mountain pass. The road twisted back and forth for a mile and a half to get from village at the top of the mountain to the river beneath it. Violets, shrubs, and some sort of grassy plant Natalie wasn’t familiar with inundated the mountain, with only rocks to mark the path. Evergreen trees and rocks filled in on either side of the path to obscure the view from the river to the village above. Patches of snow still dotted the mountainside from the snow last week. It wouldn’t have been such an arduous task if she had not already made the trek twice today.
The village was full of people who had fled the Korgar. Somehow, the council would find them and send an escort to bring them back to this village. Nearly five hundred people lived in the village. In the village, everyone had a job or role to help sustain the people who lived there. A few of the people who normally fetched water had become ill recently, so the council offered Natalie’s help until they were able to heal. Natalie enjoyed helping at first, but by the end of the first day, she was more sore than she could ever remember being. The second day, they gave her a break, at least that’s what they called it, by having her help threshing the grain. The rest of the week, she had been back to work on the mountain pass. Natalie couldn’t understand how people her age could stay sick so long while she had to do their work.
Asadi was right when she said it would be tough if I joined this council, but I expected war or something, not these stupid tasks. A slave? Is that what they want? Someone to do the things they’re too good to do? I’ll never please them! Natalie grew angry. Every time I mess up in the smallest way, they make sure I know it. They may not say it, but the way they look at me says they know. I can’t even tell a small lie without Asadi’s terrifying eyes staring into my soul! It’s like she’s not even human. “Aaaah!” Natalie allowed herself to scream.
Natalie dropped one of the two buckets of water she carried on the pole across her back and watched it roll down the pass and off a ledge toward the lake where she came from. After several seconds of mixed sadness, exhaustion, and anger while she watched the bucket roll, she threw the pole and other bucket down. “I give up,” she screamed. “You hear me? I give up!”
“What’s the trouble?” Lokai asked with a very calm voice. Natalie glanced up and saw him sitting on a rock slightly above her on the winding mountain road.
“How do you people do that? One minute I’m alone, and as soon as I mess up, you’re there.” Natalie’s anger rose at seeing him.
“I was here before you arrived with your water. I was thinking until you came by. You seem troubled. Is something the matter?” Lokai walked toward Natalie.
“No.” Natalie raised her voice. “There’s no problem, except that I might as well have died for how much of a life you allow me here! I’m spending so much time helping these people in that village that I can’t even sleep, much less care for myself. I haven’t bathed in two days and my eating habits are no better. I’m angry, but you won’t even let me be angry, you say, even being angry against someone is murder against them. You knew that would make me remember since my sister was just killed!” Natalie paused for a few seconds but continued as angry as before when the wizard gave no answer. “And yes, I wish I was as beautiful and powerful as Senna and Asadi, but you won’t even let me try.” Tears threatened to interfere with Natalie’s anger by forming in her left eye, but she quickly wiped them, not allowing herself the luxury.
“Hmmm.” Lokai ran his fingers thoughtfully along his beard. “You’ve only been at this for a week now. Shouldn’t you just calm down and keep going. We’re trying to help you become stronger, and the village greatly benefits from your help. Is it really so hard to give up your wants for someone else for a while?”
“Is it so hard?” Natalie repeated indignant. “Yes it is. You want me to be something I’m not, and I can’t do it. What is it worth anyway? Why am I wasting my time trying to follow your codes and laws and rules for me? Why not train one of these villagers to help you instead. Apparently you care more about them than you do about me!”
Lokai looked seriously in Natalie’s face for a moment before speaking, “Are you angry because we’re asking these things of you, or are you angry because you don’t think we care about you? What is really bothering you, Natalie Dumar? I would be glad to help if I knew.”
The new seriousness in Lokai’s tone made Natalie pause to think, but she knew she couldn’t back out now. “I just want time for myself. I want to be taken care of and not constantly take care of others. I want to be cared about. I want to be beautiful. People used to tell me I’m beautiful, and now every time I look in the lake to draw water, all I see is the dirt on my face and the ratty hair on my head because I haven’t washed, and the dark circles under my eyes from not sleeping enough.” Natalie rubbed the tears that began welling over from her eyes.
“What if I told you that the only way to be completely free from the Korgar was to learn to love others better than yourself. If you can be bought by your greed or your desires for yourself, they will enslave you. If you care about someone else more than yourself, then whether you live or die, you’ll never be their slave. Many men have given up their families and villages and friends to the Korgar for riches or fame or land or power, but in the end, each one becomes more of a slave to the will of the Korgar than he ever could have been otherwise.” Lokai placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her closer. “We have asked you to do these things because we love you, and we want you to never become a slave to them. I may have gone about things wrong though, and for that I’m sorry.”
Natalie’s defenses slowly began to crumble. Her lip quivered as she began to respond, “I... I want to do the things you tell me... but... but, I can’t. It’s too hard.” Natalie let a sob slip and hung her head at her miserable defeat.
“Oh, my child, you are strong, and you are learning.” Lokai, grabbing Natalie and holding her to his chest spoke softly. “Great men have explored half the world and not known what you just learned. You cannot be perfect as you are, but you must find a way.”
Natalie didn’t even look up, none of it made sense. Tears soaked into Lokai’s robe as she held onto his waist. He reminded her of her grandfather right now. Both of them seemed very hard, but she decided that Lokai must care for her like her grandfather did.
“The Korgar prey on fear because fear and selfishness are brothers. It is easy to make someone fear out of selfish desire, and once that is done, brother will turn against brother, father against daughter, and war will never cease. As long as the land is in chaos, there will be none to oppose them.”
“But, Lokai” Natalie said softly, her head still down, “How can I ever overcome fear and selfishness when I can’t even carry water and smash grains? It’s not possible…” Her voice trailed off, and she removed herself from him.
“Love,” the old man replied gently. “Love for another conquers fear, and selfishness with it. If a man ran into a burning building, he would be called a lunatic, but what kind of person would he be if he ran into the building to save a child or mother or friend? ” Lokai walked to the edge of the cliff. “Come here.”
Natalie came to the edge of the pass, where Lokai stood, and gazed down the sheer drop off the edge. She edged back from the precipice to keep her balance.
“Now jump off,” Lokai said.
“What?” Natalie asked. She looked down again to see the drop was probably fifty feet down. “No.”
“Do you trust me?” Lokai turned to the girl behind him. “What I am asking you to do is lunacy, and it is difficult, much like taking water to the village, but I assure you that if you do as I ask, I won’t let you fall.”
Natalie looked down then back at Lokai silently.
“Let me ask again, do you trust me?”
“I think so.” She responded hesitantly.
“Then jump. Don’t be afraid; I promised I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”
“How will you stop me from dying if I jump? Or will I just be a cripple the rest of my life?” Natalie spoke a little louder.
Lokai grabbed Natalie’s shoulders and looked her seriously in the eyes. “Stop asking questions. I won’t push you, so you have to choose. If you trust me, then jump.”
Natalie looked over the edge again then backed away. “I’m not sure...” Natalie responded, but before she could think any further about it, a movement to her left caught her attention. Natalie watched as Senna jumped off the cliff and began the freefall down. As she watched Senna nearing the ground below, Natalie saw Lokai running faster than any man should be able to down the side of the cliff beside her; he pulled her into his arms. By the time the duo reached the bottom, Lokai held Senna in his arms and stood firmly on the ground, a trail of dust on the wall behind him.
Lokai placed Senna on the ground and looked up at Natalie. “Fear would have kept me from saving her, but I love her enough to act in lunacy to save her.” He shouted the words, but they seemed as though he were standing next to her. “Go take a bath and sleep. We’ll finish your chores for today. Lokai grabbed the bucket next to him then he turned with Senna and continued the trek down the mountain.
Natalie stood there in shock, uncertain of what to think. How did the old man…? But he was… This is a stupid place; nothing seems to make sense. Natalie complained, but she remembered her dreams of a place where she could run without getting tired and where she could fly or use a bow or save a man from the monster. Will things ever make sense? Natalie looked down the hill at Senna and Lokai who were talking. With her thoughts to accompany her, Natalie began the trek up the mountain to where her bed awaited her. She suddenly felt more tired than she had before.
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